When it doubt.

What if the answer to cure all of our problems is to amplify the problem 20 thousand times until it reaches its threshold and explodes with no sign that it ever existed in the first place?

That was a real question.

What do you do when your brain feels like mush? When you can’t sit still but you can’t go anywhere either. When the last thing you want to do is put stuff “in its rightful place” but you’d rather not because you just don’t want to be grown up about the whole thing. You write about it, right? So maybe people will relate and cross their fingers for you. I’m fine. REALLY.

A few minutes ago I was wondering what I would eat if I went completely vegetarian. Dal. Lots and lots of dal. With rice. Oh, in this country they call it lentils. But it’s dal. Short and sweet. da–hl: Derived from the words da and yum. In my mind, meat is disgusting. Until I see it on a plate and then yeah, what the heck was I worried about? But really, I need to grow up and realise that I sort of need to tone it down, which does not imply that I pick meat over veggies. Au contraire. I never eat meat without greens. Not because it makes me feel validated. Au contraire. Deja vu. I do it because my chi needs balancing…whatever that means.

I have a lot of thoughts right now and in order for me not to chop off the tips of my hair and Awesomeshirts old t-shirts, I thought I’d just bother you with them.

True story. I even braided the ends.

The other white t-shirt is in the washing machine. It was covered with…my hair. I hear that’s what hair does when you cut it.

If you let me explain, I will. I’m having a special Edlyn day. It really is the best kind of day where I reclaim my youth and jam to a Gorillaz album I reviewed wayyy back when I felt like I was an expert. I also moonlighted as a fashion expert. This is the first time I’m saying this publicly and being proud of it. I was good but also very ashamed that I wasn’t writing about wars and such. That was never going to be a career but if you ever consider it, know that it’s so easy to bullshit your way through it all. If you can air kiss, you might even get a raise. I was out of there very soon.

I know I do not have any problems. Not compared to people who have actual problems. The last thing they want to do is amplify these things. So that makes my very first assumption stupid, in short.

Honestly, I have no idea how to be a big girl. I pout. A lot. And then I feel like my husband married a teenager. I try not to ruin Christmas for him. If you’re like me right now, raise your hand and wave. I’m waving back. I know the way most of us feel is not exclusive. That means I know we don’t own it. It exists withing our heads but if you walk down the road, you’ll find at least 2 other people who agree there needs to be more pedestrian crossings, less cars and at least more cake shops with emergency lines. Just in case.

Today I asked the maintenance man what time he started work. “Nine,” is all he said. Tomorrow I’m going to ask him where he’s from because I see him every day in the golf cart thing and I wonder. Not to be creepy but I do want to know. I’m sure if I found ONE other person who loves potatoes, that would be a good Wednesday morning conversation.

I should go now. But before I do, if you know any way I could dye my braided T-shirt green with vegetables, let me know.

Let you mind scatter. It always brings wonderfullness back.

Wonderfullness, it’s what the world needs.